50% of the population go through the menopause and we are still reluctant to talk about it. Especially the nitty gritty bits. The real stuff. Menopause is unique to each woman, and you don’t need to go through it alone.

Women turn to their girlfriends first. They want to connect and know if what they are experiencing is “normal”. 

It’s the holiday season. A time of storytelling and tales by the fireside/seaside. Sharing the real stuff about menopause, work and life is how we process experiences, find support, and learn.

We are on your team. Here at Meno Collective we gather anonymous stories from women willing to share them. This is Vicky’s story. She could be your partner, boss, team member, mum, sister, friend, or the person in the mirror. 

Vicki’s post-menopause story…

Physically, the only things I can complain of are hot flushes, aching joints, weight gain and thinning hair. I know, that seems like more than enough for one woman.

For me, the biggest impact for me has been emotionally. I was unprepared for this part. I thought menopause was a few hot flushes, no periods and feeling a bit out of sorts then over. The rages, red mist, inability to think rationally, brain fog, forgetfulness, anxiety and depression have all taken turns in controlling my life for the past few years. I am sure I am among many women who have been completely bowled over by these powerful emotions during menopause and who, like me have just thought they were going mad. 

A few years ago, I was looking for a Tupperware lid in the cupboard and became so frustrated that I ended up literally throwing the entire contents across the kitchen in a fit of rage. At that point I decided that I couldn't cope anymore. My supportive husband found me huddled in a corner crying my eyes out and just hugged me until it stopped. I felt like I had lost my mirth, my optimism.

I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression that runs in the family and given a course of CBT. This all went well, and I clung onto the life raft of weekly sessions gradually feeling better in the late summer. Looking back, I think this may have been linked to the menopause although this was never tackled properly during my sessions. 

The point to this is that despite increased menopause awareness, it's still not fully accepted or understood. I feel like I still have a way to go but I look at my friends who haven't gone through it, but are experiencing perimenopause symptoms, and if I mention the word menopause, they totally discount it. More than likely because it's something old ladies get, and they still have that feeling of invincibility - it won't happen to me etc (much like a teenager does). I feel like they might look back and have a light bulb moment and realise it was the start, just like I have.

When my Mum was clearly struggling with the menopause, we were never allowed to discuss it, I just got used to my Mum acting strangely, withdrawing from the family a bit. I'm taking the exact opposite approach and willingly discussing it with the family. My husband needs to know when I am feeling weird, emotional for no reason or just plain sad. I live in fear of my daughter not knowing what is happening to her when she goes through it and I want her to feel armed and ready. Equally, I feel that my son needs to be aware so that he understands what is happening if he experiences a partner going through it. 

Children are taught at school all about puberty, so why not menopause too? I am definitely much more patient when I see a woman having a massive emotional outburst - I usually think, poor sod, I know that feeling.... whereas a few years ago I would have judged or taken it personally. 

One of my friends told me it's like a roller coaster. Some days you are feeling awful, terrible and like your body is falling to bits. BUT - this passes and then you go through a period of feeling ok again and a bit more like your old self. Gradually, the gaps get bigger, and you start to feel ok again. I wanted to know if there is light at the end of the tunnel and if you ever feel normal again and she said that yes you do. This gives me hope. There is life after menopause. Phew.

Like many women, yoga and walking are invaluable for me. Essential oils also play a big part in my self-care and although I haven't really been able to get into meditation (I am working on this though) yin yoga, nidra and working on my chakras are very helpful to me. I'm not big on the supplements but I do take magnesium, selenium and zinc. Strangely enough too, I find that if I eat food, I know is good for me, I feel better even though I've always had a very unhealthy relationship with food, I am working on this too. Daily routine helps me immensely too, but that's mainly for the anxiety, if I write lists and plan what I have to do, it calms me and gives me a sense of achievement even if the things on the list are small. 

Learning how to love yourself is extremely challenging and takes effort. I was brought up putting everyone else first, thinking of everyone before myself, offering the last roast potato around hoping no one would take it!! This has resulted in me being used to putting my needs at the bottom of the pile but now I think it's my time to change that. I find that if you constantly treat yourself as unimportant then that's how people will see you. It's a massive task trying to change this, but my mantra these days is 'Progress not Perfection'. 

Meno Collective’s Thriving Method is a 4-step process used in our Programs to support women reduce menopause symptoms and thrive personally and professionally. Connection with like-hearted women and menopause experts is the first step.

If you have an experience to share, please mail us at [email protected]

If you are wondering if you are in perimenopause, grab our checklist here