Midlife Unravelling: Reboot with Solitude
Jun 30, 2023
Fiona. 50 and not feeling free.
She blows out the candles on her 50th birthday cake and instead of making a wish for health or wealth, her increasingly direct menopausal brain declares, "I want to escape my family and find adventure... without getting a divorce!". There. She said it out loud.
Fiona is a loving mum and partner plus a successful businesswoman. No shock – she finds herself at a crossroads as she enters her fifties. The routine of daily life in a post-Covid world has left her yearning for something more. Not the sports car kind of more. She’s determined to figure out what’s next and inject some excitement into her life. She feels guilty about it. We know she is not alone….
Brene Brown calls midlife a great unravelling.
“Midlife is when we get to unravel the truth and lies we have bought into. It is a time to let go of who we think we should be and embrace who we truly are.”
Personally, I relate so deeply to the experience of author and media personality Lorraine Candy minus the glamour of Elle mag who relates her menopausal unravelling:
The Change Shakes Identity
Today I read about a new TV show in the UK called “The Change”. The main character Linda turns 50, she’s menopausal and over it. She is sick of devoting time to everyone else and she’s wondering what happened to her life. She hits the road in search of who “she used to be”. Linda is played actor Bridget Christie who says "My reproductive life is over? That’s liberating!".
It’s about the new you not the old you.
It’s a scary growth assignment filled with challenges, but the freedom and fulfilment that await make it worthwhile. Menopause is a natural growth journey and transformation vehicle. Spending time on your own helps you face the obstacles with courage, and let the transformation unfold as you step forwards.
Can we take a moment to talk about the importance of solitude during this wild journey called menopause?
Now, I know it can be challenging to create space for time on your own amidst the amidst the chaos of midlife. It took 19 text messages to get our kids sorted so my husband and I could attend a 90’s reunion the other night. It was one night.
The magic of solitude warrants the logistical gymnastics to make it happen.
As we navigate through our midlife reboot, it's essential to take a step back, recharge our batteries, and explore who we truly are.
Solitude might be the bathroom escape, the car concert, the pantry snack-away or hiding in plain sight.
Fresh from a solo trip away l wanted to share three incredible benefits of embracing solitude during midlife and menopause. The privilege of being able to do this is not lost on me. Not at all.
Three powerful benefits of midlife solitude:
Self-Discovery and Reflection: Midlife is THE golden opportunity for self-reflection. We've spent years juggling responsibilities, wearing various hats, and putting everyone else's needs before our own. Now, it's time to pause, breathe, and reconnect with our selves. When we spend time alone, away from distractions and the daily hustle, we create space for introspection. We begin to unravel who we are beyond our roles as mothers, wives, or professionals. Solitude helps us explore new interests.
Emotional Healing and Wellbeing: Menopause is an emotional rollercoaster ride (often without a seat belt). One moment we're laughing, the next we're sobbing, and then we're back to feeling like a warrior. Amidst the hormonal chaos, spending time alone is soothing. Parking guilt and stepping into discomfort you find space. Space to process feelings and think about where you’re at and what you want. A massage, a walk or simply curling up with a good book, solitude recharges us so we can face the inevitable bumps of midlife with renewed strength.
Freedom and Agency: Let's face it—midlife is transformative but you need agency to seize post-menopausal growth. It's a time to shed societal expectations, bust free from limiting beliefs, and find out who we really are. Sounds terrifying right? And guess what? Spending time on our own plays a significant role in this liberation. Alone time supports clarity and allows us to set boundaries and step out of our comfort zones. It's our chance to embrace the freedom that comes with knowing we are moving through and beyond our reproductive years. That’s powerful.
Take that solo trip, indulge in your hobbies, or just sit down for a minute.
Remember, you're not alone on this journey. Join us and let's raise our glasses and toast to the power of alone time during the midlife reboot. Cheers to embracing who you are and who you're becoming. You've got this.
Meanwhile, Fiona’s kids are perplexed, her husband tries to keep up and together, they enact Operation Midlife Madness. Their plan is simple yet outrageous – they will both individually embark on adventures right under their family's nose, all while maintaining her everyday responsibilities.